Shelter and Protect

My boys are probably different from most. I've raised them that way intentionally. My parents raised me to believe that there is nothing particularly "good" about being "normal"; that "average" is not something to aspire to; that your mind is like a toolbox, and what you put in determines what you can do with your life.

To this end, I've carefully guarded my sons against negative influences. Some may gasp to hear that I am proud of "sheltering" my children, as though it is a bad thing to do. "You CAN'T shelter them!", I have heard time and again. Well, in my humble opinion, that is why God gave these boys to me, so I would shelter and protect them from the outside world until they were adequately equipped to deal with it.

This was a major influence in my decision to home educate my children, if it can be called a decision, since I never once felt comfortable with the idea of sending them to school. I wanted my children to have a happy childhood, but also to grow up to be good men who would be capable of, and willing to do, whatever God might lead them to do. While there is nothing truly evil about most things in life, there is also little worthwhile in much of that with which we often choose to fill our days. Most children's television programming is worthless, at best, and often harmful. We, being adults, probably don't usually even see its influence, but if you look at it with an eye towards protecting your children's innocence and modeling good behavior, much of it is appalling. Even "bubblegum" like Spongebob is harmful, in that it holds up sheer stupidity as something humorous and enjoyable. Those "funniest videos" programs that appear to be innocuous, teach children to find humor in the misfortune (and often pain) of others. Other shows display families as dysfunctional and petty, rife with sibling rivalry and bickering. While watching these shows may not cause your family to resemble them, over time, your children will become desensitized to such things, and will be far more likely to treat each other, and you, with disrespect. There is plenty of entertainment to be had, even on television, without allowing your children's character to suffer.

My boys like educational programming; the History Channel, Discovery Channel, etc., and animated movies. I pre-screen them, and weed out the inappropriate parts. It's not difficult, and the results are richly rewarding.

My sons do not, to this day, know what race is. They refer to people by their names, or if describing them, they will mention the color of their clothing, or what they were doing. They do not know, at this point, that there are people who would make assumptions about a person based on appearances. My sons look to the content of a person's character, always seeking the good in everyone. Is this remarkable? It shouldn't be. Every child is capable of it, if no one mars their innocence. Never having been taught that people can be racist, they will not be inured to it when they are confronted with it later on. As teenagers and adults, they will be capable of dealing with such issues with maturity.

With things that cannot be avoided, your loving, guiding, presence is a shield to protect them, while they learn how to be the people they should be. For example... My boys were at a playground one day, when they were 6 and 4, and had brought a ball along to play catch. They were running around, playing with a number of children, when a bigger boy showed up. He began bossing the children around, pushing them down, and, in my boys' case, taking their toys. When the boy took my sons' ball, NJ came over and sat down beside me, thoughtfully. He proceeded to tell me what I had already seen for myself. I explained to him that the boy couldn't dislike him, because he didn't know him, but if he did know him, he would have liked him anyway, because he is a nice boy. We talked about how God wants us to treat people, and how there is good to be found in everyone. Being reassured that it wasn't a shortcoming on his own part, NJ considered the situation for a bit, and then stood up saying that he knew what to do. He explained that the "bully" was probably just lonely, because he didn't have anyone to play with, but didn't know how to ask. NJ decided that he should ask the boy to play with him, and the others, so that the boy wouldn't feel uncomfortable or sad any more. NJ waited until the boy put down the ball, and then he picked it up himself, and asked him to play kickball. The boy readily agreed. Soon all of the children at the playground were playing kickball, including the former bully who was actually quite gentle and friendly once treated with kindness.

Home schooling is a wonderful opportunity to protect and guide your child until they are strong enough to face the world on their own. Had NJ been on his own at a school playground, would the end result have been the same? It's doubtful. As it stood, NJ received a valuable lesson in character, and the former bully at least saw the possibility of approaching people differently. Every instance that a potential bully is NOT rejected, is one more step closer to the confident, friendly, person they can be.

An interesting side note - a lady had been sitting next to us, on the bench, while NJ and I had our conversation about the boy. It turned out that she was the young fellow's grandmother. She gave me a rather kind look before she left. I wonder what must have gone through her mind as she overheard us talking?