Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Fathers' Lesson

In my previous post, I laid out the lessons that mothers teach their children. While many mothers may not be aware of the lessons they teach their sons and daughters, for the most part, the idea of being "the world", to their children, would not take most parents by surprise. However, I would wager (ok, not really, I don't bet, ever) that very few people are aware of the lesson that fathers each their children.

Now, considering the great duty of mothers in raising up their children, it may appear that the father's only roles are those of protector, provider, and leader. Now these are heavy enough responsibilities, all by themselves, but God gave men a far greater task. He gave fathers just one lesson to teach their sons and daughters... can you guess it?

What do fathers teach their children? What one lesson do children learn from fathers, even if they never even meet them; even if they are absentee, or "workaholics", or devoted stay-at-home-ers? If you ask people what lessons do fathers teach, you might get answers like, "caring for their family", "work ethics", "morals", "how to be a man", "how to choose a husband", or even possibly, "how to be a good Christian"... but none of these are THE lesson.

No, the answer is far more significant. Look to God for your support, men, so you are not crushed under the weight of this responsibility. Through His help is the only way you can hope to teach this lesson well.

Men, while your wives represent the world to your children (and who they are in it), you representGod. Yes, as imperfect as you are (and aren't we all?) you are daily teaching your child who God is. Even an atheist father is representing God to his child. You can't help it. You can't avoid it. You are representing God to your children. Right now. Yesterday. Tomorrow. In everything you do, in ever choice you make, in every word you say, you stand in God's place in your family, showing your children who God really is. The question is, are you representing Him well?

Now, this is in no way saying that you are expected to be perfect, to show that God is perfect. It suffices to say that God is perfect, and we are not. What you are modeling is God's character, and His relationship with your child. Remember that God calls Himself our Father. We are His children. It follows rather easily then, that He would use earthly fathers to represent Him to their own children.

So, what are you teaching your children? It isn't necessarily a pat answer. God made each of us differently, and we have our own way of relating to people and to God. We also, as adults, have the ability and the choice to overcome these lessons, if they were not taught well. But an absentee father may be teaching his child that God does not exist, or he may be teaching her that God created us, but then ignores us. If Daddy is obsessed with work, the little ones might grow up believing that God has "more important things" to think about than them. If Daddy is too permissive, the child may learn that God doesn't really care what we do. If Daddy is too critical, they may come to believe that God is the same way. Many people seem to see God as the "monster on the mountain"; distant and too busy for us, until we screw up, and then we can expect a harsh punishment. Sounds a bit like some overstressed fathers that I know.

If, on the other hand, the father is authoritative and loving, having time for the children and taking a keen interest in their lives, beyond what "directly effects" himself, the children will rightly come to see God as the loving, perfect, Father He is... caring about our lives and interests, and seeking a Father/child relationship with us.

As a home-schooling mother, I am keenly aware of what my children learn on a daily basis. It never struck me until relatively recently that there was so much more to these lessons than meet the eye. I wish someone had told me sooner. My children are still young, and so I will be striving to undo years of "misinformation". It is harder for adults to overcome these wrong lessons... but take heart... even if your child is 50, it is not too late.

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